Golf Tips & Quips

~I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool~ George Brett

~Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that~ Jim Murray

~The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie~ Mickey Mantle

~The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree~ Brian Weis

~Swing hard in case you hit it~ Dan Marino

~My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered~ Lord Robertson

~Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air~ Jack Benny

~There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground~ Ben Hogan

~Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best~ Jack Nicklaus

~The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law~ H G Wells

~I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course~ Billy Graham

~While playing golf today I hit two good balls when I stepped on a rake~ Henny Youngman

~I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

~After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddy for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

~If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball~ Jack Lemmon

~You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work~ Lee Trevino

~I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced~ Lee Trevino

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